I Am That - excerpts
Talks With Sri Nisargadatta
This is based on a text file available on Source. However, some missing chapters are being added here, and some corrections being made, by and by.
I am like a cinema screen - clear and empty - the pictures pass over it and disappear, leaving it as clear and empty as before. In no way is the screen affected by the pictures, nor are the pictures affected by the screen. The screen intercepts and reflects the pictures, it does not shape them. It has nothing to do with the rolls of films. These are as they are, lumps of destiny (prarabdha), but not my destiny; the destinies of the people on the screen. - p256
Q: When I ask a question and you answer, what exactly happens?
M: The question and the answer both appear on the screen. The lips move, the body speaks and again the screen is clear and empty.
Q: When you say: clear and empty, what do you mean?
M: I mean free of all contents. To myself I am neither perceivable nor conceivable; there is nothing I can point out and say: 'this I am'. You identify yourself with everything so easily, I find it impossible. The feeling: 'I am not this or that, nor is anything mine' is so strong in me that as soon as a thing or a thought appears, there comes at once the sense 'this I am not'.
By the grace of my Guru I have realized once and for good that I am neither object nor subject and I do not need to remind myself all the time.
I find that somehow, by shifting the focus of attention, I become the very thing I look at and experience the kind of consciousness it has; I become the inner witness of the thing. I call this capacity of entering other focal points of consciousness love; you may give it any name you like. Love says: 'I am everything'. Wisdom says: 'I am nothing' Between the two my life flows. Since at any point of time and space I can be both the subject and the object of experience, I express it by saying that I am both, and neither, and beyond both. p257
Having realized that I am one with, and yet beyond the world, I became free from all desire and fear. I did not reason out that I should be free I found myself free unexpectedly, without the least effort. This freedom from desire and fear remained with me since then. Another thing I noticed was that I do not need to make an effort; the deed follows the thought, without delay and friction. I have also found that thoughts become self- fulfilling; things would fall in place smoothly and rightly. The main change was in the mind; it became motionless and silent, responding quickly, but not perpetuating the response. Spontaneity became a way of life, the real became natural and the natural became real. And above all, infinite affection, love, dark and quiet, radiating in all directions, embracing all, making all interesting and beautiful, significant and auspicious.
All happened as it happened because it had to happen everything happens as it does, because the universe is as it is. p258
Pain and Suffering
Pain is physical; suffering is mental. Beyond the mind there is no suffering. Pain is merely a signal that the body is in danger and requires attention. Similarly, suffering warns us that the structure of memories and habits, which we call the person (vyakti), is threatened by loss or change . Pain is essential for the survival of the body, but none compels you to suffer.
Suffering is due entirely to clinging or resisting; it is a sign of our unwillingness to move on, to flow with life.
As a sane life is free of pain, so is a saintly life free from suffering.
Saints:
The essence of saintliness is total acceptance of the present moment, harmony with things as they happen. A saint does not want things to be different from what they are; he knows that, considering all factors, they are unavoidable. He is friendly with the inevitable and,. therefore, does not suffer. Pain he may know, but it does not shatter him. If he can, he does the needful to restore he lost balance or he lets things take their course.
What you are you must find out. I can only tell you what you are not. You are not of the world, you are not even in the world. The world is not, you alone are. You create the world in your imagination like a dream. As you cannot separate the dream from yourself, so you cannot have an outer world independent of yourself. You are independent, not the world. Dont be afraid of a world you yourself have created. Cease looking for happiness and reality in a dream and you will wake up. You not know all the 'why' and 'how', there is no end to questions. Abandon all desires, keep your mind silent and you shall discover. p432
You can do nothing. What time has brought about, time will take away. ...
This is the end of Yoga, to realize independence. All that happens, happens in and to the mind, not to the source of the 'I am'. Once your realize that all happens by itself (call it destiny, or the will of God, or mere accident), you remain as witness only, understanding and enjoying, but not perturbed. p430
... All the sufferings of mankind do not prevent you from enjoying your next meal. The witness is not indifferent. He is the fullness of understanding and compassion. Only as the witness can you help another.
The world disturbs you because you think yourself big enough to be affected by the world. It is not so. You are so small that nothing can pin you down. It is your mind that gets caught, not you. Know yourself as you are - a mere point in consciousness, dimensionless, and timeless. You are like the point of a pencil - by mere contact with you the mind draws its picture of the world. You are single and simple - the picture is complex and extensive. Don't be misled by the picture - remain aware of the tiny point - which is everywhere in the picture.
All depends on you. It is by your consent that the world exists. Withdraw your belief in its reality, and it will dissolve like a dream. Time can bring down mountains; much more you, who are the timeless source of time. For, without memory and expectation there can be no time.
Watch over your thoughts, feelings, words and actions. This will clear your vision. You must watch yourself continuously -- particularly your mind -- moment by moment, missing nothing. This witnessing is essential for the separation of the self from the not self.
Not being continuous, the sense of 'I' must have a source from which it flows and to which it returns. This timeless source of conscious being is what Maharaj calls the self-nature, self-being, swarupa. 514
Whoever is puzzled by his very existence as a conscious being and earnestly wants to find his own source, can grasp the everpresent sense of 'I am' and dwell on it assiduously and patiently, till the clouds obscuring the mind dissolve and the heart of being is seen in all its glory.
The person is what I appear to be to other persons. To myself I am the infinite expanse of consciousness in which innumerable persons emerge and disappear in endless succession. p505
Time is endless, though limited, eternity is in the split moment of the now. We miss it because the mind is ever shuttling between the past and the future. It will not stop to focus (on) the now.
You are a creature of memories; at least you imagine yourself to be so. I am entirely unimagined. I am what I am, not identifiable with any physical or mental state. p507
There is no difference between us; nor can I say that I know myself, I know that I am not describable nor definable. There is a vastness beyond the farthest reaches of the mind. That vastness is my home; that vastness is myself. And that vastness is also love. p507
M: Love is boundless. What is limited to a few cannot be called love.
Q: Do you know such unlimited love?
M: Yes,I do.
Q: How does it feel?
M: All is loved and lovable. Nothing is excluded.
Q: Not even the ugly and the criminal?
M: All is within my consciousness; all is my own. It is madness to split oneself through likes and dislikes. I am beyond both. I am not alienated.
Q: I am in a world which I do not understand and therefore, I am afraid of it. This is everybody's experience.
M: You have separated yourself from the world, therefore it pains and frightens you. Discover your mistake and be free of fear. ... Be free of desires and fears and at once your vision will clear and you shall see all things as they are.
Q: Why sadhana (practices, penances)?
A: Unless you make tremendous efforts, you will not be convinced that effort will take you nowhere. The self is os self-confident that unless it is totally discouraged, it will not give up. Mere verbal conviction is not enough. Hard facts alone can show the absolute nothingness of the self-image.
Whatever you see, it is your own being that you see. p 503.
Before you can accept God, you must accept yourself, which is even more frightening. The first steps in self- acceptance are not at all pleasant, for what one sees is not a happy sight. One needs all the courage to go further. What helps is silence. Look at yourself in total silence, do not describe yourself. Look at the being you believe you are and remember --you are not what you see. 'This I am not--what am l?' is the movement of self-enquiry. There are no other means to liberation, all means delay. Resolutely reject what you are not, till the real Self emerges in its glorious nothingness, its 'not-a-thing-ness.' .
To know that you are neither body nor mind, watch yourself steadily and live unaffected by your body and mind, completely aloof, as if you were dead. It means you have no vested interests, either in the body or in the mind. p201
... I am not asking you to commit suicide. Nor can you. You can only kill the body, you cannot stop the mental process, nor can you put an end to the person you think you are. Just remain unaffected. This complete aloofness, unconcern with mind and body is the best proof that at the core of your being you are neither mind nor body. What happens to the body and the mind may not be within your power to change, but you can always put an end to your imagining yourself to be body and mind. Whatever happens, remind yourself that only your body and mind are affected, not yourself. The more earnest you are at remembering what needs to be remembered, the sooner will you be aware of yourself as you are, for memory will become experience. Earnestness reveals being. What is imagined and willed becomes actuality--here lies the danger as well as the way out.
Increase and widen your desires till nothing but reality can fulfil them.
To imagine that some little thing food. sex, power, fame will make you happy is to deceive yourself. Only something as vast and deep as your real self can make you truly and lastingly happy. p203
If you are earnest, you don't need moving about. You are yourself wherever you are and you create your own climate. Locomotion and transportation will not give you salvation. You are not the body and dragging the body from place to place will take you nowhere. Your mind is free to roam the three worlds - make full use of it. p203
You are not in the body, the body is in you! The mind is in you. They happen to you. They are there because you find them interesting. p203
Without self-realization, no virtue is genuine. When you know beyond all doubting that the same life flows through all that is and you are that life, you will love all naturally and spontaneously. When you realize the depth and fullness of your love of yourself, you know that every living being and the entire universe are included in your affection. But when you look at anything as separate from you, you cannot love it for you are afraid of it. Alienation causes fear and fear deepens alienation. It is a vicious circle. Only self-realization can break it. Go for it resolutely. p204
Guru
The Guru demands one thing only; clarity and intensity of purpose, a sense of responsibility for oneself. The very reality of the world must be questioned. Who is the Guru, after all? He who knows the state in which there is neither the world nor the thought of it, he is the Supreme Teacher. To find him means to reach the state in which imagination is no longer taken for reality. Please, understand that the Guru stands for reality, for truth, for what is. He is a realist in the highest sense of the term. He cannot and shall not come to terms with the mind and its delusions. He comes to take you to the real; don't expect him to do anything else. The Guru you have in mind, one who gives you information and instructions, is not the real Guru. The real Guru is he who knows the real, beyond the glamour of appearances. To him your questions about obedience and discipline do not make sense, for in his eyes the person you take yourself to be does not exist. Your questions are about a non-existing person. What exists for you does not exist for him. What you take for granted, he denies absolutely. He wants you to see yourself as he sees you. p205
Separate the observed from the observer and abandon false identifications.
Do your work. When you have a moment free, look within. What is important is not to miss the opportunity when it presents itself. If you are earnest you will use your leisure fully. That is enough. p206
Whatever you may have to do, *watch your mind*. Also you must have moments of complete inner peace and quiet, when your mind is absolutely still. If you miss it, you miss the entire thing. If you do not, the silence of the mind will dissolve and absorb all else.
Your difficulty lies in your wanting reality and being afraid of it at the same time. You are afraid of it because you do not know it. The familiar things are known, you feel secure with them. The unknown is uncertain and therefore dangerous. p206
In deep silence the self contemplates the body. It is like the white paper on which nothing is written yet. Be like that infant, instead of trying to be this or that, be happy to _be_. You will be a fully awakened witness of the field of consciousness. But there should be no feelings and ideas to stand between you and the field. p206
Earnestness:
But the main thing that helps is to *have reality within*. It will assert itself. Your coming here definitely helped you. It is not the only thing that is going to help you. The main thing is your own being. Your very earnestness testifies to it.
As long as you allow yourself an abundance of moments of peace, you can safely practice your most honorable profession. These moments of inner quiet will burn out all obstacles without fail. Don't doubt its efficacy. Try it.
Be interested in yourself beyond all experience, be with yourself, love yourself; the ultimate security is found only in self knowledge. The main thing is earnestness. Be honest with yourself and nothing will betray you. Virtues and powers are mere tokens for children to play with. They are useful in the world, but do not take you out of it. To go beyond, you need alert immobility, quiet attention. p207
The main thing is to be free of negative emotions desire, fear etc., the 'six enemies' of the mind. Once the mind is free of them, the rest will come easily. Just as cloth kept in soap water will become clean, so will the mind get purified in the stream of pure feelings.
When you sit quiet and watch yourself, all kinds of things may come to the surface. Do nothing about them, don't react to them; as they have come so will they go, by themselves. All that matters is mindfulness, total awareness of oneself or rather, of one's mind.
You can observe the observation, but not the observer. You know you are the ultimate observer by direct insight, not by a logical process based on observation. You are what you are, but you know what you are not. The self is known as being, the not self is known as transient. But in reality all is in the mind. The observed, observation and observer are mental constructs. The self alone is.
Watch it, and it shall cease. Use every opportunity to remind yourself that you are in bondage, that whatever happens to you is due to the fact of your bodily existence. Desire, fear, trouble, joy, they cannot appear unless you are there to appear to. Yet, whatever happens, points to your existence as a perceiving
center. Disregard the pointers and be aware of what they are
pointing to. It is quite simple, but it needs be done. What matters is the persistence with which you keep on returning to yourself.
Q: Is the search for it worth the trouble?
M: Without it all is trouble. If you want to live sanely, creatively and happily and have infinite riches to share, search for what you are.
While the mind is centred in the body and consciousness is centred in the mind, awareness is free. The body has its urges and mind its pains and pleasures. Awareness is unattached and unshaken. It is lucid, silent, peaceful, alert and unafraid, without desire and fear. Meditate on it as your true being and try to be it in your daily life, and you shall realize it in its fullness.
Mind is interested in what happens, while awareness is interested in the mind itself. The child is after the toy, but the mother watches the child, not the toy.
By looking tirelessly, I became quite empty and with that emptiness all came back to me except the mind. I find I have lost the mind irretrievably.
Self:
I am neither conscious nor unconscious, I am beyond the mind and its various states and conditions. Distinctions are creates my the mind and apply to the mind only. I am pure Consciousness itself, unbroken awareness of all that is. I am in a more real state than yours. I am undistracted by the distinctions and separations which constitute a person. As long as the body lasts, it has its needs like any other, but my mental process has come to an end.
Q: At this very moment who talks, if not the mind?
M: That which hears the question, answers it.
Q: But who is it?
M: Not who, but what. I'm not a person in your sense of the word, though I may appear a person to you. ! am that infinite ocean of consciousness in which all happens. I am also beyond all existence and cognition, pure bliss of being. There is nothing I feel separate from, hence I am all. No thing is me, so I am nothing.
The same power that makes the fire burn and the water flow, the seeds sprout and the trees grow, makes me answer your questions. There is nothing personal about me, though the language and the style may appear personal. A person is a set pattern of desires and thoughts and resulting actions; there is no such pattern in my case. There is nothing I desire or fear how can there be a pattern?
My teacher told me to hold on to the sense 'I am' tenaciously and not to swerve from it even for a moment. I did my best to follow his advice and in a comparatively short time I realized within myself the truth of his teaching. All I did was to remember his teaching, his face, his words constantly. This brought an end to the mind; in the stillness of the mind I saw myself as I am - unbound.
One has to understand that the search for reality, or God, or
Guru and the search for the self are the same; when one is found, all are found. When 'I am' and 'God is' become in your mind indistinguishable, then something will happen and you will know without a trace of doubt that God is because you are, you are because God is. The two are one.
Nisargadatta Maharaja on Meditation:
Q: What is meditation and what are its uses?
M: As long as you are a beginner certain formalized meditations, or prayers may be good for you. But for a seeker for reality there is only one meditation - the rigorous refusal to harbour thoughts. To be free from thoughts is itself meditation.
Q: How is it done?
M: You begin by letting thoughts flow and watching them. The very observation slows down the mind till it stops altogether. Once the mind is quiet, keep it quiet. Don't get bored with peace, be in it, go deeper into it.
Q: I heard of holding on to one thought in order to keep other thoughts away. But how to keep all thoughts away? The very idea is also a thought.
M: Experiment anew, don't go by past experience. Watch your thoughts and watch yourself watching the thoughts. The state of
freedom from all thoughts will happen suddenly and by the bliss of it you shall recognize it.
Man becomes what he believes himself to be. Abandon all ideas about yourself and you will find yourself to be the pure witness, beyond all that can happen to the body or the mind. p216.
=--added by RAHUL KUMAR --
Your Goal is Your Guru
Q: I can see that i am false. Who will make me true?
M: The very words you said will do it. The sentence: 'I can see that
i am false' contains all you need for liberation. Ponder over it, go
deep into it. go to the root of it, it will operate. The power is in the
word, not in the person.
Q: I do not grasp you fully. On one hand you say a guru is needed;
on the other - the Guru can only give you advice; but the effort is
mine. Please state clearly -- can one realize the Self without a Guru,
or is the finding of a true Guru essential.
M: More essential is the finding of a true disciple. Believe me, a
true disciple is very rare, for in no time he goes beyond the need for a
Guru, by finding his own self. Don't waste your time on trying to make
out whether the advice you get flows from knowledge only; or from valid
experience? Just follow it faithfully. Life will bring you another Guru,
if another one is needed. Or deprive you of all outer guidance and
leave you to your own lights. It is very important to understand
that it is the teaching that matters, not the person of the Guru.
You get a letter that makes you laugh or cry. It is not the postman who
does it. The Guru only tells you the good news about your real Self and
shows you the way back to it. In a way the Guru is its messenger. There
will be many messengers, but the message is one: be what you
are. Or you
can put it differently: Until you realize yourself, you cannot know who
is your real Guru. When you realize, you will find that all the Gurus
you had have contributed to your awakening. Your realization is proof
that your Guru was real. Therefore take him as he is, do what he tells
you, with earnestness and zeal and trust your heart to warn you if
anything goes wrong. If doubt sets in dont fight it. Cling to what is
doubtless and leave the doubtful alone.
Q: I have a Guru and i love him very much. But whether he is my true
Guru i dont know.
M: Watch yourself. If you see yourself changing, growing, it means
you have found the right man. He may be beautiful or ugly, pleasant or
unpleasant, flattering you or sclolding; nothing matters except the one
crucial fact of inward growth. If you dont, well he may be your friend,
but not your Guru.
Q: When i meet a European with some education and talk to him about
a Guru and his teachings, his reaction is: ' the man must be mad to
teach such nonsense'. What am i to tell him?
M: Take him to himself. Show him how little he knows himself, how he
makes the most absurd statements about himself for holy truth. He is
told he is the body, was born, will die, has parents, duties, learns to
like what others like and fear what others fear. Totally a creature of
heredity and society, he lives by memory and acts by habit. Ignorant of
himself and his true interests, he pursues false aims and is always
interested. His life and death are meaningless and painful, and there
seems to be no way out. Then tell him there is a way out within his easy
reach, not a conversion to a new set of ideas, but a liberation from all
ideas and patterns of living. Dont tell him of Gurus and disciples -
this way of thinking is not for him. His is an inner path, he is moved
by an inner urge and guided by an inner light. Invite him to rebel and
he will respond. Do not try to impress on him that so-and-so is a
realized man and can be accepted as a Guru. As long as he does not trust
himself, he cannot trust another. And confidence will come with
experience.
Q: How strange! I cannot imagine life without a Guru.
M: It is a temperament. You too are right. For you, singing the
praises of God us enough. You need not desire realization, nor take up a
_sadhana_. God's name is all the food you need. Live on it.
Q: This constant repetition of a few words, is it not a kind of
madness?
M: It is madness, but it is a deliberate madness. All repetitiveness
is _tamas_, but repeating the name of God is _sattva-tamas_, due to its high
purpose. Because of the presence of _sattva_, the _tamas_ will wear out and
will take the shape of complete dispassion, detachment, relinquishment,
aloofness, immutability. _Tamas_ becomes the firm foundation on which an
integrated life can be lived.
...
Q: There are two cases to consider: either i have found a Guru or i
have not. In each case what is the right thing to do ?
M: You are never without a Guru for he is timelessly present in your
heart. Sometimes he externalizes himself and comes to you as an
uplifting and reforming factor in your life, a mother, a wife, a
teacher; or he remains as an inner urge towards righteousness and
perfection. All you have to do is to obey him and do what he tells you.
What he wants you to do is simple, learn self-awareness, self-control,
surrender. It may seem arduous, but it easy if you are earnest. And
quite impossible if you are not. Earnestness is necessary and
sufficient. Everything yields to earnestness.
Q: What makes one earnest?
M: Compassion is the foundation for earnestness. Compassion for
yourself and others, born of suffering, your own and others.
Q: Must i suffer to be earnest?
M: You need not, if you are sensitive and respond to the sorrows of
others, as Buddha did. But if you are callous and without pity, your own
suffering will make you ask the inevitable questions.
Q:
M:
Q:
M:
Q:
M:
-- end of added --
There is nothing to do. Just be. Do nothing. Be. No climbing mountains and sitting in caves. I do not even say: 'be yourself', since you do not know yourself. Just be. Having seen that you are neither the 'outer' world of perceivable, nor the 'inner' world of thinkable, that you are neither body nor mind -- just be.
Q: I am tired of promises. I am tired of sadhanas, which take all my time and energy and bring nothing. I want reality here and now. Can I have it?
M: Of course you can, provided you are really fed up with everything, including your sadhanas. When you demand nothing of the world, nor of God, when you want nothing, seek nothing, expect nothing then the Supreme State will come to you uninvited and unexpected! p187
Buddha said that the idea of enlightenment is extremely important. Most people go through their lives not even knowing that there is such a thing as enlightenment, leave alone the striving for it. Once they have heard of it, a seed was sown which cannot die. Therefore, he would send his bhikhus to preach ceaselessly for eight months every year.
177
'One can give food, clothes, shelter, knowledge, affection, but the highest gift is the gospel of enlightenment', my Guru used to say. You are right, enlightenment is the highest good. Once you have it, nobody can take it away from you. 177
Anything you do for the sake of enlightenment takes you nearer. Anything you do without remembering enlightenment puts you off. But why complicate? Just know that you are above and beyond all things and thoughts. What you want to be, you are it already. Just keep it in mind. p177